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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25531048">The first time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoSebach/pseuds/JoSebach'>JoSebach</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Petals discarded [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Undertale (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A LOT of Angst, Angst, Dialogue-Only, Emotional Flowey (Undertale), Flowey-centric (Undertale), Gen, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, Pre-Canon, Pre-Undertale, Soliloquy, Spoilers, many spoilers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:40:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,571</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25531048</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoSebach/pseuds/JoSebach</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A confused yet-to-be-Flowey yells to the void, surrounded by unknown counterparts, bathed in the Surface's light. He's looking for solace. He asks for help.<br/>But nobody came.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chara &amp; Asriel Dreemurr, Chara &amp; Flowey (Undertale)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Petals discarded [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1853614</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>The Fanfic Paradise Discord Collection</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Where is the end?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chara, Chara! Help me!</p><p>…</p><p>Can you hear me? Can you see me?<br/>
It's me, yo-your best friend…</p><p>…</p><p>Chara, it really is me, I swear! I dunno what happened, but I’ve woken up like this and… and neither mum nor dad can fix me…!</p><p>…</p><p>They said we both died, b-but it can't be right, can it? I-I mean, if I am here, it must mean you made it too! So you're… listen…ing… maybe… probably…</p><p>…</p><p>No! I… I am sure you are listening. Yes, yes, mum said you are here and I can’t doubt you twice!<br/>
Is that right? Am I right?</p><p>…</p><p>I-I know I messed everything up and I’m not in the position to ask, b-but, I do need your help, I dunno who else to turn to!</p><p>…</p><p>I promise I will follow any of your advices, I swear!</p><p>…</p><p>Please, help me, Chara…</p><p>…</p><p>Y-you sure are not the big talker… eheh…</p><p>…</p><p>Eh… Eh…</p><p>…</p><p>T-this is the responsibility thing you use to say, right? “No one is above consequences”.<br/>
Is this a punishment…?</p><p>…</p><p>T-then, eheh, then I guess this is what I deserve for… for ruining your plan and… everyone’s future…</p><p>…</p><p>But I-I’m sorry for that, really I am! I was a coward to let those humans… to not let you…</p><p>…</p><p>Can… can you forgive me?</p><p>…</p><p>I-I know, eheh, I'm being selfish and a crybaby now, and big boys don't cry and stuff, b-but really… I… I can't. I can't live in a world without love. I can't live in a world without… you.<br/>
There is no one else I can turn to! No one understands me like you do!</p><p>…</p><p>I'm sorry for what I’ve done, really I am, but this is too much! I feel so empty! I’m so alone, Chara! I can't bear this loneliness! There must be another way to solve this!</p><p>…</p><p>J-just give me another chance! I-I promise I won’t mess up anything this time! Cross my h-… pinky-…</p><p>…</p><p>Pl-pl-ease, please, tell me you’re listening! Give me a sign, anything!</p><p>…</p><p>Chara…?<br/>
No, this can’t be right!<br/>
Chara, where are you?</p><p>…</p><p>P-please, stop with your jokes, it’s not the right moment for pranks! Come out! I know you’re here, mum buried you right here! And with my roots I can feel your body-</p><p>…</p><p>C-Chara… are…<br/>
are you dead?</p><p>…</p><p>… Is… that a yes…?</p><p>…</p><p>… Eheh. Eheheh. EHEHEHEHEHEH! I truly LET my best friend DIE FOR NOTHING! And then? Condamn my own people?! EhehehHeehehH!<br/>
And saying condamn is an understatement! Even mum and dad are devasted because of me!<br/>
He now is known for resuming the Great War and… and for sl… HE SLAUGHTERED SIX HUMAN CHILDREN IN MY NAME!<br/>
And she… she ran away, I guess, she would NEVER tell me for the world. And in my old bedroom there were six pairs of shoes… and I was always bare foot, when I still had… toes…<br/>
They both tried to act like themselves, fathering or mothering me, as if nothing wrong happened, as if everything was alright. They couldn't stop telling me. But it's all a lie. And they know it.<br/>
Pr-probably it would've been better if… if I didn't show up…</p><p>…</p><p>W-why am I still here?! WHY!<br/>
And why… are you…<br/>
not alive…?</p><p>…</p><p>You sacrificed yourself for us all with your life! You even believed in me and I dared to betray you!<br/>
YOU were the one supposed to get a second chance, not… me…</p><p>…</p><p>Maybe… the consequences for your actions is… resting in peace…<br/>
While I’m doomed to see what my stupidity caused…<br/>
Does this logic make… sense?</p><p>…</p><p>There is no way I can redeem myself, there is no way I can change what I caused.<br/>
I'm not supposed to be here.<br/>
I was never supposed to be here.<br/>
I'll...I'll do the world a favor k…kill…<br/>
NO, I CAN'T! I DON'T WANNA DIE AGAIN! IT’S TOO PAINFUL!</p><p>…</p><p>Eh… eh…</p><p>…</p><p>I… I don’t wanna die…<br/>
But I don’t wanna live, either…</p><p>…</p><p>And I can't, you know, pretend you never existed, your plan never existed, I never failed.<br/>
However, how else I'm supposed to bear this fault?</p><p>…</p><p>I'm going to jump in the lava in Hotland.<br/>
I’m going to meet you again.<br/>
I'm going to avoid my consequences.</p><p>…</p><p>I-I’m sorry, but despite anything, I'm still a coward.<br/>
See you later.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. How to disappear completely</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6W6HhdqA95w</p>
<p>Try to guess who is the author mentioned in this chapter in the comments!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chara, Chara! Help!</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Please, answer me, I don’t know who else to turn to…<br/>
I’m so alone…</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>I messed up, right, and I’m sorry, but I’m not meant to stay here any longer. I’m supposed to be dead. I am supposed to be with you. Not with… them.<br/>
I can’t… not anymore… not again…</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Eheh…</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>I imagined you were not going to talk to me. Call it a hunch.<br/>
Is it because you’re angry with me, or you’re…?</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>This time I’ll reach you. I promise.</p><hr/>
<p>...</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>... Eh. Eheh. Eheheheh! You sure did quite the trick! I should've expected it from you, you must've realized by now what a coward I am, I should've imagined you prevented me from avoiding consequences! I can't blame you for not trust... ing... me...</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>You sure are a determined one and true to your word, no less. You always defined yourself a relentless judge.<br/>
But not even sparing your pleading sibling?</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>Right, you're the only one who understands me, but understanding is not the same of approving.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>You know, I firstly thought I was losing my mind, seeing the same scenes unfolding again and again.<br/>
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."<br/>
This exactly describes my condition.<br/>
Maybe I actually am insane after this.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>But you know what?<br/>
I don't care.<br/>
I'll delete myself from this world. Again.<br/>
Try to stop me, if you dare. Bring me back from the dead. Again. Don’t be afraid to manifest your insanity!</p><hr/>
<p>Eheheheh! I knew you had it in you!<br/>
Guess I should've known better than antagonizing you. But boy, I would've given the world to see your reaction! Messing with you can be quite... liberating, and surprising, too. You know, like old times...<br/>
Too bad you're buried to see that smile of yours and you're too... dead... to laugh...</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>But somehow you can still interact with this world. Not in a conventional way, eheh. Well, you've always been unique, so to say.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>Back to business, though, there really is no way to redeem myself? Am I stuck in this loop forever? Seeing my parents react the exact same way to my condition, hearing your silence toward my desperation, feeling death without dying for real?<br/>
Is... is this for real?<br/>
Was that a dream again?<br/>
Is THIS a dream again?</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>Am I... am I getting insane?</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>Now you must be laughing, I'm quite positive of it! "Azzy, stop saying silliness." "Azzy, you sound like a dork!"<br/>
Or maybe you're snickering because that's what was supposed to happen from the start?!</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Is there even a way out?</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>There is no way to satisfy your justice?</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>There... there really is not...</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>No, there must be something!<br/>
Maybe you want me to die a more painful death... YES, surely this would satisfy you MORE than just seeing me turning to dust… like last times…</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Mhm… I remember you telling me there was this author that said traitors were punished getting stuck in the ice…<br/>
So what about freezing? I can go to Snowdin and let myself get caked in snow.<br/>
...Yes, I’ll test this out right now! It must be agonizing enough! This time I won’t disappoint you for sure!</p><hr/>
<p>Eheh… That was painful… but not enough, I see.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>This time I’ll throw myself in Snowdin’s lake. I'll let myself freeze in the ice. I guess it will be more… accurate to the source.<br/>
I hope you’ll enjoy.</p><hr/>
<p>No... NO! STOP! ENOUGH!</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>This... This caN'T be happening! This ISN'T happening!<br/>
It's just another one of my STUPID dreams! I must NOT freak out!</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>This isn't happening. I'm not here.<br/>
It's all just a bad dream. And I'm waking up.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>Yes, this time, I'll wake up for good.<br/>
Just watch.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Attempt to reconcile</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Somebody, anybody, help me!</p><p>…</p><p>Eheh, but nobody came.<br/>NOBODY EVER CAME.</p><p>…</p><p>Nobody. Not even this time.</p><p>…</p><p>Eheh… I sure did a number to you… Eheh… eh…</p><p>…</p><p>Ch... Char...</p><p>...</p><p>I...</p><p>...</p><p>I... I don't understand. Really, I can't.<br/>You must've realized by now that I don't actually regret that choice.<br/>I'm beyond forgiveness. I can't blame your hate. Not even I can stand myself.</p><p>...</p><p>But I don't understand them. I really don't.<br/>Every time I tell them what happened, I just manage to mention my name and they get so... emotional. They embrace me, they say they're sorry.<br/>But I don't understand. What are they sorry for? Because they have no fault. They never had.</p><p>...</p><p>Why do they have to suffer?<br/>Why do they get so worked up on such a failure of a son? A son so idiotic that couldn't think for his people, NOT EVEN HIS OWN PARENTS, NOT EVEN YOU?!</p><p>...</p><p>If not mine, can't you spare THEIR feelings?</p><p>...</p><p>Eheh, it's all on me.<br/>But you are right. I must fix the problem by myself.<br/>If I'm obligated to stay alive... the least I can do is lighten their sorrow a little bit? Give them the son they never had?</p><p>...</p><p>Yes, at least I'll be useful, somehow...<br/>I'll start back now. I hope this is the right choice, I hope this is what your silent sentence means.<br/>Not that I have anything to lose, anyway.</p>
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